by Andy Borowitz
Borowitz is well-known for his New Yorker column The Borowitz Report, in which he often pokes satirical fun at idiot Republicans such as Donald Trump and Sara Palin (not to mention the non-idiots – such as Ron DeSantis, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, and Joseph Hawley – who attempt to imitate their idiot breatharian).
Summary of Highlights
Three stages of ignorance: Ridicule, Acceptance, and Celebration
Borowitz thinks that GPA not really important to whether a good president; reading habits (or lack thereof) are.
Stu Spencer and Bill Roberts created ad campaigns that made Reagan (among others) more palatable. “If you can’t dazzle’em with brilliance, baffle’em with bull.”
Canon recalled an early press conference where a reporter asked Reagan about his legislative program: “the novice governor did not have a clue. Turning plaintively to aids who were attending the new conference, he said, ‘I could take come coaching from the sidelines if anyone can recall my legislative program.’
Molly Ivins quote about Reagan: “This is a man who proved that ignorance is no handicap to the presidency.”
Lions and the Packers offered invitation to Ford to play on their team. He finished in top third of his law class at Yale.
SNL skit “Ask President Carter.”
Roy Cohn, Roger Ailes, Roger Stone, and Paul Mamafort all worked for Reagan.
Remember Reagan’s attack on “welfare queens”, the poor, AIDS….
Bill Kristol backed Alan Keyes (his college roommate), Quayle, and Palin.
Karl Rove was “Bush’s brain”.
Dick Chaney fluked out of Yale.
Bush branded pledges to his faternity. (!)
A classmate said: “When I first heard he was running for the presidency I laughed until I couldn’t see through the tears in my eyes. I just thought ‘The nation is going to hell in a hand-basket. if he can be president maybe I can be the Queen of England.”
Afghanistan is know as the “Graveyard of Empires.” (didn’t know that)
Bush said “I don’t do nuance.”
Bush…”Why did I sign on to this (bailout) proposal if I don’t understand what it does?”
“Sarah Palin was the gateway ignoramus who led to Donald Trump.” p. 131
When Levi Johnson, Bristol’s boyfriend found out Paline was selected for VP: “I thought, was this woman – who at home, would literally say things that did not make sense – really running for vice president?” He assumed somebody was fucking with him.
Levi Johnson again: “I have been more diligent tracking a moose than anyone seemed to have been in choosing the Republican vice-presidential nominee.” A.B. Culvahouse (supposedly) did the vetting.
Palin –> trooper gate
Palin didn’t know that Africa was a continent, that South Africa was a country, why North and South Korea are separate countries. She thought Saddam Hussein attacked America on 9/11.
“Let’s make America Great Again” was a 1980 Reagan campaign slogan.
“Facts are stupid things.” Reagan quote; actually, he was misremembering John Adams’ “Facts are stubborn things.”
Frank Trump taught his son that the world could be devided into “losers” and “winners.”
recommends book “Politics is for Power: How to Move Beyond Political Hobbyism, Take Action, and Make Real Change.
Deep canvassing…