Category: Uncategorized

by Nathaniel Hawthorne

The Genius of Steven Wright:
1 – I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 – Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
3 – Half the people you know are below average.
4 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 – 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 – A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 – A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 – If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 – All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 – I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ….. But she left me before we met.
12 – OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13 – How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
14 – If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 – Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
17 – Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 – Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 – I intend to live forever … So far, so good.
20 – If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 – Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
22 – What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 – My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
24 – Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 – If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 – A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 – Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
28 – The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 – To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 – The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 – The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
32 – The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 – Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
34 – If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 – If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work.

by Andy Borowitz

Borowitz is well-known for his New Yorker column The Borowitz Report, in which he often pokes satirical fun at idiot Republicans such as Donald Trump and Sara Palin (not to mention the non-idiots – such as Ron DeSantis, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, and Joseph Hawley – who attempt to imitate their idiot breatharian).

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Summary of Highlights

Three stages of ignorance: Ridicule, Acceptance, and Celebration

Borowitz thinks that GPA not really important to whether a good president; reading habits (or lack thereof) are.

Stu Spencer and Bill Roberts created ad campaigns that made Reagan (among others) more palatable. “If you can’t dazzle’em with brilliance, baffle’em with bull.”

Canon recalled an early press conference where a reporter asked Reagan about his legislative program: “the novice governor did not have a clue. Turning plaintively to aids who were attending the new conference, he said, ‘I could take come coaching from the sidelines if anyone can recall my legislative program.’

Molly Ivins quote about Reagan: “This is a man who proved that ignorance is no handicap to the presidency.”

Lions and the Packers offered invitation to Ford to play on their team. He finished in top third of his law class at Yale.

SNL skit “Ask President Carter.”

Roy Cohn, Roger Ailes, Roger Stone, and Paul Mamafort all worked for Reagan.

Remember Reagan’s attack on “welfare queens”, the poor, AIDS….

Bill Kristol backed Alan Keyes (his college roommate), Quayle, and Palin.

Karl Rove was “Bush’s brain”.

Dick Chaney fluked out of Yale.

Bush branded pledges to his faternity. (!)

A classmate said: “When I first heard he was running for the presidency I laughed until I couldn’t see through the tears in my eyes. I just thought ‘The nation is going to hell in a hand-basket. if he can be president maybe I can be the Queen of England.”

Afghanistan is know as the “Graveyard of Empires.” (didn’t know that)

Bush said “I don’t do nuance.”

Bush…”Why did I sign on to this (bailout) proposal if I don’t understand what it does?”

“Sarah Palin was the gateway ignoramus who led to Donald Trump.” p. 131

When Levi Johnson, Bristol’s boyfriend found out Paline was selected for VP: “I thought, was this woman – who at home, would literally say things that did not make sense – really running for vice president?” He assumed somebody was fucking with him.

Levi Johnson again: “I have been more diligent tracking a moose than anyone seemed to have been in choosing the Republican vice-presidential nominee.” A.B. Culvahouse (supposedly) did the vetting.

Palin –> trooper gate

Palin didn’t know that Africa was a continent, that South Africa was a country, why North and South Korea are separate countries. She thought Saddam Hussein attacked America on 9/11.

“Let’s make America Great Again” was a 1980 Reagan campaign slogan.

“Facts are stupid things.” Reagan quote; actually, he was misremembering John Adams’ “Facts are stubborn things.”

Frank Trump taught his son that the world could be devided into “losers” and “winners.”

recommends book “Politics is for Power: How to Move Beyond Political Hobbyism, Take Action, and Make Real Change.

Deep canvassing…

It is not true, after all, that I never loved. I conceived at least one great love in my life, of which I was always the object. – Albert Camus, The Fall, p. 58

Day 1 – Las Vagas

Flew into Harry Reid Airport on 10/6/22

Stopped off at the Hoover Dam. Took a tour of the power plant.

Visited N cousin’s home.

Went to the place we rented via VRBO, just off the “strip”.

Day 2 – Death Valley

Drove two hours to visit Death Valley. A large part of the park was closed due to the recent rain. I thought that might ruin the trip, but it really wasn’t a problem. There was more than enough to see.

We visited three spots:

• Zabriskie Point
• Mesquite Flat Sand Dunes
• Dante’s View

At night we walked along the Vegas “strip” (Vegas Boulevard). Went inside the Bellagio to see their inside garden.

Day 3 – Zion National Park

We drove from Vegas to Zion National Park, which took about three hours. Zion has some magnificent cliffs. But it’s also very crowded, which is a bit ironic, since it was my least favorite, IMO least impressive, of all the parks we visited. It was so crowded that you have to take a shuttle bus to each destination, which wasn’t great. Still, some magnificent views.

We took two hikes. the first, the Riverside Walk Trail, which was extremely crowded. It ends at the Narrows, the famous walk between two canyon walls. Due to time limitations, and lack of water shoes, we did not take it. We also walked the Emerald Ponds Trail, which was much less crowded, and thus, more enjoyable.

In the evening, we drove to our VRBO which was located about 40 minutes from our next destination, Bryce Canyon. The road was very windy, very isolated, and by the mid-point, very dark. Not fun.

The house itself was really, really nicely appointed. Not much to look at on the outside, but inside every detail was thought out and tastefully done. Best VRBO ever.

Day 4 – Bryce Canyon

We drove to Bryce in the morning, about 40 minutes. We did the Rim Trail and Queen’s Garden.

Bryce might have been my favorite of all. The views were just spectacular.

After our hikes, we went back to the house for a bit, and then return to view the night sky. We couldn’t find the viewpoint the ranger suggested, but whatever. We just stopped at one of the others. It was cold. But the sky was spectacular. Complete silence except for the wind.

Day 5 – Capitol Reef

Next, we drove to Capitol Reef, about three hours from the place we stayed in Bryce. It was a dreary day, with showers. When we arrived, the weather wasn’t too promising for hiking. The area surrounding the long entrance road to the park was covered in reddish mud. A road crew was doing repairs, apparently from recent flooding.

We went to the Visitor’s Center. The ranger suggested Cohab Canyon. The first part of the hike was steep, but after a 1/4 mile or so it leveled out. The trail took us through a canyon with so much to see. It was really something to behold. We also took the Hickman Bridge Trail.

One of the most distinct aspects of this park is the Fruita District, which is a lush green area at the bottom of the canyon. The early settlers noticed the high quality of the soil in that area. They planted orchards that are still bearing fruit to this day.

Day 6 – Arches

Next, we drove to Arches National Park, around 2 1/2 hours from Capitol Reef. The first half of the drive was thru a very picturesque but desolate area. Again, the weather was rainy and cloudy. A large section of the road when through an area that was flooded out. In one section what looked like a good-size creek was running right next to the road. Then we hit another section of very dense fog. Finally, the water crossed the road. Luckily, a crew with a tractor arrived just ahead of us, which made it appear safe to cross.

The weather finally cleared up and the rest of the drive was uneventful.

Arches is also a very popular park, known for its more than 2,000 arches. We took the scenic drive, taking the many short hikes out to see the major sites: Windows, Balanced Rock, Double Arches, Landspace Arch.

Day 7 – Canyonland

Canyonland is a less popular park not far from Arches. Again the weather did not cooperate, but again it was not a real problem for there was a lot to see.

There are two main sections of the park: Island in the Sky and Needles. Due to flooding, the road to Needles was closed. The detour would have taken three hours (!). So we only saw Island in the Sky.

We walked the Grand View Point Trail. The entire trail has spectacular views of the canyon below. Every few feet the perspective change, which provide a stunning new view of the canyon. Great walk.

Day 8 Salt Lake City

Drove the roughly four hours to Salt Lake City. Visited the Temple Square. Went on a tour given by a couple of young Mormon missionaries. It was a little weird; definitely were pushing the old-time religion a bit. But they were very nice and not pushy. I very much enjoyed learning the history of the Mormons.

Went to Weems-Botts and the Workhouse with Y and C. Fun day. Y’s friend added a live soundtrack of drums to Modern Times and Sherlock Jr. Good.